Why pretty hair is a good accessory for rocking

Toxic Holocaust is one of the best neo-thrash groups currently performing. I saw them live the other day, and I have to admit that they stole the show away from 3 Inches of Blood, certainly a difficult feat.

While they were playing. I was trying to wrap my brain around exactly what they had going for them. Good riffs? Of course. Performance of a song called "Feedback, Blood and Distortion"? Sweet. A drummer with aviator sunglasses? Win.

But...

Those were all good things, but they weren't necessarily worthy of topping 3 Inches of Blood. The je ne sais quoi itched in my mind. What was it? I couldn't concentrate for some reason. My eyes were mesmerized by the beautiful, platinum blond locks of frontman Joel Grind. His hair bounced and layered like a shampoo commercial. A really goddamn annoying shampoo commercial with full-bodied and moisturized strands and I couldn't think because it was invading my brain and it was so damn silky and then I was moshing. Moshing and the hair was right before me, slamming forward and backward in gorgeous waves in time with the music and the colors and sounds blurred into a fantastic mental pudding of sensation.

Metallica, you could learn a lesson from this. Stop recording shitty albums and just schedule an appointment for a $200 stylist. This means you, James "I-cut-my-hair-for-MTV" Hetfield.